What I learnt about coaching last weekend

I spent the weekend back at school honing my coaching skills and I’ve learnt a lot, too much to cover it all, but here are three highlight, lightbulb moments I had.

1.

Checking in with myself: One thing I knew and probably thought I did was to check in with myself before starting a coaching session. On reflection, I probably did it in a ‘Yeah, I’m cool. Let’s do this’ sort of way. But there are so many useful questions I could ask myself before starting the session. Is there anything I’m bringing with me that I need to ‘shake off’ (physically helps, but best to do that in the loo or something, not just as you say hello to your client. That probably wouldn’t put them at ease); what assumptions might I be making about this client/situation; what are my energy levels? (too high/low?); how am I feeling? Relaxed, apprehensive, enthused, confident, tired…?

Checking in with myself can help me understand the impact that I might have on my client, and it’s useful to do it during the session too. I’m aware that I zone in on my clients which might mean I zone out to how I’m being.

2.

Introverts can be energised by calm: As a naturally energetic and outgoing person, I think of being energised as something that’s obvious to see. For me, my hands will be waving about, I’ll be talking quite quickly and might be seen as a little excitable. I know well how to turn that down in a coaching session. I can imagine it’d be a little unnerving to have a fidgety coach. But what I hadn’t considered is the different way that some people are when they’re energised. That quiet client, who has one expression to fit all, and does lots of reflection?

Provide the right environment for people to think and there could be all sorts of things shooting about discreetly in their head, providing a vitality that is barely palpable to the outside but is nonetheless as energising to the individual.

3.

Physical movement can add a profound impact: During one session over the weekend, my ‘coachee’ (fellow coaching student) and I tried out the three chairs model. One chair represented the now, and two others the future: one where the goal had been achieved and one where it hadn’t. We chatted through the goal and how desirable it was. My coachee was ambivalent about it when it came to question how important it would be to achieve the goal, coming up with reasons why it would be okay not to. Then she got up and sat in the chair that represented not achieving the goal. I can only describe what happened as a ‘whoosh’ that went from the chair through her body. She sat bolt upright as the realisation hit her that she just couldn’t allow this to happen. She couldn’t contemplate being in the same position in two years’ time. I had a similar experience when I sat in the ‘failed to achieve’ chair. I actually felt a surge of anger directed towards my present self for not having dealt with the issue my goal represented. Physically moving to look from a new position had really strengthened the experience. 

I’m looking forward to my next module when I can discover more about my coaching and try out new things. I will go with an open mind and be sure to check in with myself before I go through the door.

#coaching